Understanding parenting styles and how they influence sleep coaching and breastfeeding

Parenting is one of the hardest yet most rewarding experiences in life, but it also comes with its challenges, especially when thinking about sleep coaching or breastfeeding. As parents, we often find ourselves second-guessing our decisions, trying to figure out what is best for our children. One important aspect that significantly shapes our approach to parenting is the parenting style that we adopt for our children.

First coined by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, parenting styles refer to the patterns of behaviour and attitudes that parents display towards their children. Baumrind identified four main parenting styles based on two dimensions: demandingness (control) and responsiveness (warmth). These styles provide insight into how parents interact with their children and set the stage for their development. They also give insights into how we set boundaries with our children (or why we find it hard!), as well as influencing our decisions on whether we breastfeed, when to wean (this is where lactation consultants can come in handy), whether we choose to do sleep training or not….the list is endless!

• Authoritarian Parenting: This style is characterised by high levels of demandingness of children and low responsiveness. Authoritarian parents set strict rules and expect obedience without much room for negotiation. They often use punishment as a means of discipline and may not be very nurturing or emotionally supportive.
• Permissive Parenting: On the opposite end of the spectrum, permissive parenting involves low demandingness and high responsiveness. Permissive parents are lenient and indulgent, placing few demands on their children and being very nurturing and affectionate. They may struggle with setting boundaries and enforcing rules. I occasionally find myself wandering into this style, and have to remind myself of the type of parent I want to be. Other times, I chalk it up to ‘picking my battles!’
• Authoritative Parenting: Considered the ideal parenting style by many experts, authoritative parenting combines high levels of demandingness with high responsiveness. Authoritative parents set clear rules and expectations but also provide warmth, support, and encouragement. They are responsive to their children's needs and emotions while still maintaining structure and discipline. This is what I aim for in my parenting style (not always successfully, sometimes I allow things such as marshmallows for breakfast!).
• Uninvolved Parenting: This style is characterised by low demandingness and low responsiveness. Uninvolved parents are often detached and indifferent, showing little interest or involvement in their children's lives. They may provide for their basic needs but fail to offer emotional support or guidance. This style can also be known as ‘neglectful’ parenting.

Each parenting style has its own impact on children's development and behaviour. Authoritarian parenting may lead to children who are obedient but lack autonomy and self-esteem. Permissive parenting can result in children who struggle with self-discipline and boundaries. Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, cultivates independence, self-confidence, and emotional well-being/resilience. Uninvolved parenting often leads to negative outcomes, including low self-esteem and behavioural issues.

Understanding your parenting style is important because it influences every single aspect of your child's life, including their sleep habits. For example, authoritarian parents may be more inclined towards strict sleep training methods, while permissive parents may struggle with consistency in sleep routines. Authoritative parents, with their balanced approach, are likely to implement gentle but firm sleep coaching techniques that prioritise the child's emotional needs while establishing healthy sleep habits and respecting parental boundaries.

As a sleep coach, recognising the parenting style of the families I work with is essential for providing personalised support. By understanding parenting styles, I can tailor your sleep plan to align with your values and goals. Whether it's implementing a sleep training method or creating a nurturing sleep environment, adapting my strategies to work with your parenting style will lead to more effective and sustainable results.

From a lactation consultant perspective, I offer practical ways to continue breastfeeding (for however long you’d like to) as well as emotional advice and guidance when you and your child reach the end of your breastfeeding journey. This is because breastfeeding isn’t just about nutrition- there’s a whole myriad of emotions connected and intertwined with it.

Parenting styles play a significant role in shaping the parent-child relationship and influencing children's development. By working with me and identifying your parenting style and understanding its implications, you can make informed decisions that support your child's growth and well-being. When it comes to sleep coaching and breastfeeding, recognising how your parenting style influences your approach is key to helping your child develop healthy sleep habits that last a lifetime.

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